After a lot of help from @AnyaKelleye, the talented cover designer, I have changed the book's cover. Hopefully, it will help stimulate sales.
Anya Kelleye deserves a lot of the credit, displaying the patience of Job while we worked though dozens of design ideas together. Thanks, Anya.
What d'you think of the new cover?
All comments and suggestions welcome. I can take it!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Kindle All Stars
[Updated 27 September 2011]
Announcing the Kindle All Stars project, an anthology of speculative fiction. The idea for this book originated with Bernard J. Schaffer. The book will showcase talented eBook authors (*ahem*). It will be issued as an eBook and in print, and the proceeds will be donated to The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, a US charity that fights child abuse and pornography worldwide.
One of my short stories (renamed "Children") from Ovolution and Other Stories has been accepted for inclusion. As of today (27 September 2011) the author list reads as follows:
Harlan Ellison,
Alan Dean Foster,
Keri Knutson,
Laurie Laliberte,
Simon John Cox,
Angela McConnell,
Bernard Schaffer,
Miles Cressman,
Matt Posner,
Richard Roberts,
William Vitka,
JJ Toner,
Dwaipayan Regmi,
Toni Dwiggins,
Frank Zubek,
John F. Merz
The book should be available for sale between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
KAS information page
Facebook Fan Page
Twitter Profile Page
Twitter identity @KindleAllStars
Twitter hashtag #KindleAllStars
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
On Cleaning Your Keyboard
On August 23 I rang Eircom and agreed to switch my phone line and broadband back from Vodafone to Eircom. The salesman was delighted. They would take care of everything. It would take 30 days; the transition would be seamless.
At 10 am this morning, September 19, I lost my phone line. No dial tone. I rang Eircom and reported a line fault to a robot. That took about 15 minutes, by which time the phone fault had mysteriously repaired itself. My broadband line, however, was dead. I rang the robot again, and it said, "I see a fault has been logged for your line. This fault is being attended to by our technical team. The repair should be completed in 2 working days. There will be no further information available on this matter at this time. Is there something else we can help you with?"
"Yes," I said.
"Oh, right. Hold the line please and I'll put you through to someone who can deal with your enquiry." Music -- jaxx -- interrupted by fragments of recorded messages. "...the first four digits of your customer account..." before I got through to someone, and told them that my line was back, but my broadband connection was now on the blink.
"What's your account number?"
"I don't have one, yet," I said. "I'm in the process of switching back from Vodafone to Eircom."
He checked my phone number on his system, and came back with, "You're not a customer."
"Maybe not yet, but I have applied—"
"There's nothing I can do. You are not a customer."
I rang Vodafone, and had a similar conversation with them that ended with, "You are not a customer."
Never one to give up without a fight, I rang Eircom back and spoke to an engineer...
By 2:30 pm, I had run out of ideas. It seems Vodafone cut off my broadband 2 or 3 days ahead of the scheduled transition day, and I just had to wait for the Eircom machinery to swing into action and reconnect me.
I jumped in the car and headed toward Dundrum. I thought I'd catch "Tinker Tailor Soldier, Spy" the Le Carre classic story, which opened the day before. Half-way up the hill out of town, the guy on the radio told us all that he'd seen the film. "It's dreadful," he said. "Save your money." I did a U-turn and went home.
"The devil finds work for idle hands." With my mother's wise words bouncing around in my head, I decided to use the available time to clean my keyboard. It was pretty manky. I unplugged it and took it into the living room.
I won't take you through the sordid details of what followed. Suffice to say that it took an hour to remove and clean the keys and the best part of another 3 hours to put the whole thing back together again. So,
1. If you lose your broadband connection, go read a book.
2. Never take advice about movies from people on the radio.
3. If you pop the keys from your keyboard, don't get them mized up. Lay them out in rows so that you know ezactly where each one goes.
4. This rule applies equally to the 4 arrow keys. Their layout may look simple, but believe me, it's a puxxle to get them back where they belong.
At 10 am this morning, September 19, I lost my phone line. No dial tone. I rang Eircom and reported a line fault to a robot. That took about 15 minutes, by which time the phone fault had mysteriously repaired itself. My broadband line, however, was dead. I rang the robot again, and it said, "I see a fault has been logged for your line. This fault is being attended to by our technical team. The repair should be completed in 2 working days. There will be no further information available on this matter at this time. Is there something else we can help you with?"
"Yes," I said.
"Oh, right. Hold the line please and I'll put you through to someone who can deal with your enquiry." Music -- jaxx -- interrupted by fragments of recorded messages. "...the first four digits of your customer account..." before I got through to someone, and told them that my line was back, but my broadband connection was now on the blink.
"What's your account number?"
"I don't have one, yet," I said. "I'm in the process of switching back from Vodafone to Eircom."
He checked my phone number on his system, and came back with, "You're not a customer."
"Maybe not yet, but I have applied—"
"There's nothing I can do. You are not a customer."
I rang Vodafone, and had a similar conversation with them that ended with, "You are not a customer."
Never one to give up without a fight, I rang Eircom back and spoke to an engineer...
By 2:30 pm, I had run out of ideas. It seems Vodafone cut off my broadband 2 or 3 days ahead of the scheduled transition day, and I just had to wait for the Eircom machinery to swing into action and reconnect me.
I jumped in the car and headed toward Dundrum. I thought I'd catch "Tinker Tailor Soldier, Spy" the Le Carre classic story, which opened the day before. Half-way up the hill out of town, the guy on the radio told us all that he'd seen the film. "It's dreadful," he said. "Save your money." I did a U-turn and went home.
"The devil finds work for idle hands." With my mother's wise words bouncing around in my head, I decided to use the available time to clean my keyboard. It was pretty manky. I unplugged it and took it into the living room.
I won't take you through the sordid details of what followed. Suffice to say that it took an hour to remove and clean the keys and the best part of another 3 hours to put the whole thing back together again. So,
1. If you lose your broadband connection, go read a book.
2. Never take advice about movies from people on the radio.
3. If you pop the keys from your keyboard, don't get them mized up. Lay them out in rows so that you know ezactly where each one goes.
4. This rule applies equally to the 4 arrow keys. Their layout may look simple, but believe me, it's a puxxle to get them back where they belong.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Weird phone calls
Hello.
Good morning. I'd like to speak to Mister Tohnah.
Speaking.
Mister Tohnah?
Yes.
Excellent. Mister Tohnah, I'm ringing from Bord Gas, concerning your electricity bills.
Yes?
Mister Tohnah, I've had a look at your electricity bills and I can see quite a variation from month to month. I can now offer you a new facility called "Level Pay". Using this facility, I can calculate an average bill for you based on your bills from last year. I can then set up your direct debit so that you pay the same amount every month. This will enable you to avoid those nasty large bills. Do you understand?
Yes. The electricity supply people had a similar system. I'm not interested.
What?
Thank you, but I'm not interested.
I haven't explained it properly, Mister Tohnah. Let me explain it again.
No thank you. Goodbye.
--------------
Hello
Good afternoon. Do I have the pleasure of speaking with Mister Toner?
Yes.
Mister Toner, I am calling from "Rest in Peace plc". We are a publicly quoted company serving the soon-to-depart.
The soon-to-what?
Depart. As I'm sure you are aware, funeral costs have been escalating for several years. The high cost of wood, in particular, has driven the cost of a coffin well beyond the means of many people.
Pardon me?
Indeed. Many people now realise that when they depart they will be leaving their loved ones with the burden of an unsustainable bill for funeral expenses. What we at "Rest in Peace plc" offer is an option to pay your funeral expenses up front. With our easy-pay option you may buy your coffin today at today's prices, thus leaving nothing behind for your loved ones but the good memories.
Where did you get this number?
People in your age bracket are increasingly turning to our easy-pay option. This can be tailored to your needs. Starting with the basic package of a simple coffin and short homily--
I asked you where you got my number.
--right up to the full Concorde class package consisting of a full teak coffin with brass accoutrements, flowers, a full church service, a choir of your choice and extra mourners if required--
I'm putting the phone down.
--A headstone, should you want one, is extra, of course. Graveyard monuments and mausoleums are popular among the super-rich. We cater for all religions and every denomination--
*Click*
Good morning. I'd like to speak to Mister Tohnah.
Speaking.
Mister Tohnah?
Yes.
Excellent. Mister Tohnah, I'm ringing from Bord Gas, concerning your electricity bills.
Yes?
Mister Tohnah, I've had a look at your electricity bills and I can see quite a variation from month to month. I can now offer you a new facility called "Level Pay". Using this facility, I can calculate an average bill for you based on your bills from last year. I can then set up your direct debit so that you pay the same amount every month. This will enable you to avoid those nasty large bills. Do you understand?
Yes. The electricity supply people had a similar system. I'm not interested.
What?
Thank you, but I'm not interested.
I haven't explained it properly, Mister Tohnah. Let me explain it again.
No thank you. Goodbye.
--------------
Hello
Good afternoon. Do I have the pleasure of speaking with Mister Toner?
Yes.
Mister Toner, I am calling from "Rest in Peace plc". We are a publicly quoted company serving the soon-to-depart.
The soon-to-what?
Depart. As I'm sure you are aware, funeral costs have been escalating for several years. The high cost of wood, in particular, has driven the cost of a coffin well beyond the means of many people.
Pardon me?
Indeed. Many people now realise that when they depart they will be leaving their loved ones with the burden of an unsustainable bill for funeral expenses. What we at "Rest in Peace plc" offer is an option to pay your funeral expenses up front. With our easy-pay option you may buy your coffin today at today's prices, thus leaving nothing behind for your loved ones but the good memories.
Where did you get this number?
People in your age bracket are increasingly turning to our easy-pay option. This can be tailored to your needs. Starting with the basic package of a simple coffin and short homily--
I asked you where you got my number.
--right up to the full Concorde class package consisting of a full teak coffin with brass accoutrements, flowers, a full church service, a choir of your choice and extra mourners if required--
I'm putting the phone down.
--A headstone, should you want one, is extra, of course. Graveyard monuments and mausoleums are popular among the super-rich. We cater for all religions and every denomination--
*Click*
Monday, September 12, 2011
Great movie lines
Remember that great line from the end of Moonraker? James Bond and Holly Goodhead are adrift in a space shuttle, making weightless love. Sir Frederick Gray says: “My God, what is Bond doing?” and Q replies: “I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir.”
Surely one of the best killer lines of all time from the movies, that one. Up there with the final scene in Billy Wilder’s Some like it Hot, when Jack Lemmon, dressed as a woman, is attempting to deflect Joe E. Brown’s amorous advances. Finally, when all else fails, Lemmon whips off his wig and says: “But I’m a man!” and Joe E. Brown comes back with: “Nobody’s perfect.”
Help me out here guys. Those are the only two I can think of.
Surely one of the best killer lines of all time from the movies, that one. Up there with the final scene in Billy Wilder’s Some like it Hot, when Jack Lemmon, dressed as a woman, is attempting to deflect Joe E. Brown’s amorous advances. Finally, when all else fails, Lemmon whips off his wig and says: “But I’m a man!” and Joe E. Brown comes back with: “Nobody’s perfect.”
Help me out here guys. Those are the only two I can think of.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Noir Nation
The first ever issue of the noir international e-journal Noir Nation has been launched. Sales are going well in the US. If you live in UK, please take a look at the journal here, "like" it there and/or on its facebook page.
If you sample it, you'll get to read my story "Jelly Babies" as it's the first story in there. :)
If you decide to buy it, please consider doing a review on Amazon.co.uk
Thanks.
If you sample it, you'll get to read my story "Jelly Babies" as it's the first story in there. :)
If you decide to buy it, please consider doing a review on Amazon.co.uk
Thanks.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
An Ancient Game
The Kilkenny Cats were up against Tipperary, last year's champions, in the All Ireland hurling final on Sunday last.
Hurling is a game to be marvelled at. It's as old as the hills, dating back to ancient Celtic times just after the last Ice Age. I wonder if there's anything else like it anywhere in the world. Two teams of fifteen men, each wielding a wooden hurley, propel a leather ball, called a 'sliothar' around a full-size football pitch.
The rules are uncomplicated. A ball on the ground may only be picked up on the hurley; running with ball in hand is limited to four paces. When it comes to physical contact, body-checking is allowed and it seems the rules are a little fluid. Unlike Aussie Rules, where the 'fair catch' rule applies, a player in possession of the ball is provided no special protection and must battle to hold on to it.
You've got to love a game with so few rules, but where the referee has three cards at his disposal: yellow, red - and black.
The skills and athleticism on display are astounding, and comparable to anything that Aussie Rules football can boast. The one-handed catching skills are marvellous, and the way these players can score points from 40, 50, even 60 yards is awesome.
This is like ice hockey without the ice, on a much larger scale, and without the protective clothing. Even shin-guards, which I would have thought a basic necessity, are shunned by these players. The only concession to personal safety is a plastic helmet and faceguard. If Sunday's game is anything to go by, head protection for the officials may soon be a standard feature, as the referee suffered a nasty cut to his nose while attempting to mediate during a heated discussion between the players. The injury was entirely accidental, but was a graphic demonstration of the hazards of arming a bunch of young men with sticks in a testosterone-adrenaline fuelled environment.
Croke Park, with an all-seating capacity of 82,000 was jam-packed. This is a sport enjoyed and followed with passion by whole families in every county in Ireland. Kilkenny scored the first five points before Tipp replied, and that set the seal on the outcome. The final score Kilkenny 2-17 Tipperary 1-16, a comfortable 4 point win for the cats.
Gotta love that game.
Hurling is a game to be marvelled at. It's as old as the hills, dating back to ancient Celtic times just after the last Ice Age. I wonder if there's anything else like it anywhere in the world. Two teams of fifteen men, each wielding a wooden hurley, propel a leather ball, called a 'sliothar' around a full-size football pitch.
The rules are uncomplicated. A ball on the ground may only be picked up on the hurley; running with ball in hand is limited to four paces. When it comes to physical contact, body-checking is allowed and it seems the rules are a little fluid. Unlike Aussie Rules, where the 'fair catch' rule applies, a player in possession of the ball is provided no special protection and must battle to hold on to it.
You've got to love a game with so few rules, but where the referee has three cards at his disposal: yellow, red - and black.
The skills and athleticism on display are astounding, and comparable to anything that Aussie Rules football can boast. The one-handed catching skills are marvellous, and the way these players can score points from 40, 50, even 60 yards is awesome.
This is like ice hockey without the ice, on a much larger scale, and without the protective clothing. Even shin-guards, which I would have thought a basic necessity, are shunned by these players. The only concession to personal safety is a plastic helmet and faceguard. If Sunday's game is anything to go by, head protection for the officials may soon be a standard feature, as the referee suffered a nasty cut to his nose while attempting to mediate during a heated discussion between the players. The injury was entirely accidental, but was a graphic demonstration of the hazards of arming a bunch of young men with sticks in a testosterone-adrenaline fuelled environment.
Croke Park, with an all-seating capacity of 82,000 was jam-packed. This is a sport enjoyed and followed with passion by whole families in every county in Ireland. Kilkenny scored the first five points before Tipp replied, and that set the seal on the outcome. The final score Kilkenny 2-17 Tipperary 1-16, a comfortable 4 point win for the cats.
Gotta love that game.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Blogger's Time Zone
Thanks to Derek Haines and his inspired blog article social-media-automation-what-is-acceptable I created two blog entries and scheduled them to appear. The first one should have been posted at 5 pm on Friday but nothing happened. By 10 pm when the entry still hadn't been posted, I rescheduled it for Saturday. I tried 00:01 am, but Blogger rejected this as an invalid time. I settled for 01:01 am. On Saturday morning at 9 am, the blog entry appeared.
I can only conclude that wherever Blogger lives, his time zone is 8 hours behind mine. My world clock points to Vancouver, San Francisco or Seattle. So where are you, my friend and why can't you let me use my local clock for scheduling my blogs?
I can only conclude that wherever Blogger lives, his time zone is 8 hours behind mine. My world clock points to Vancouver, San Francisco or Seattle. So where are you, my friend and why can't you let me use my local clock for scheduling my blogs?
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